Our guests Mel and Gen are brilliant ladies to listen to if you are thinking of going down the solo motherhood route. Gen has two children, Astrid and Xavi and Mel has Daisy.
We were keen to hear their thoughts on the whole process, as both women have put their stories out into the world and have a lot of conversations with women considering this path to parenthood. Especially after the year we have all had. Mel offers coaching as part of the Stork and I community she runs and also has a podcast so be sure to follow her Mel and Gen’s book Going Solo sees her getting weekly emails from women.
We spoke about their decision to become a single Mum as Mel said it took her 3 years to get there, and the biggest thing she had to overcome was to let go of the fairy tale she had imagined her life to be. Gen didn’t take quite so long, after having a shock from her fertility being tested, however both talk about the importance of being financially secure, having a good support network and also being confident in your decisions.
What it was like to choose a sperm donor was discussed along with the decision on how many children you are going to have as Mel spoke about how her fairytale was two children, yet the practicalities were too challenging. She does still however have an embryo on ice. Mel also talked about how she is wary of getting caught in the loop of ‘if she was in a relationship she would have tried for a second’. Gen is a sibling and was keen to create a similar relationship for her children as she has with her brother, but talks about how that means she hasn’t been able to sort her life out in terms of all the toys etc she has since starting her family, whereas Mel is extremely keen on a tidy house which she often shares on her Instagram!
TOP TIPS SHARED:
– From the minute you start to consider solo mothers hood start saving, even if it’s an inkling of an idea as it’s really expensive.
– Allow yourself to be vulnerable and ask for help, as a lot of solo mums are strong women. Mel shared how she instinctively said no to an offer of help last week whilst struggling with a heavy piece of furniture in the Ikea car park!
– Have support as backup and have a Plan b.
-Don’t assume that just because you decide to be a single Mum you will are signing up to be single forever
-it is normal to wonder about the impact on the child and there is great support
-if you are worried about the emotional toll there is amazing support available
-work through letting go of the fairytale of how you imagined your family to come to be.
Both Mel and Gen talking about the fear of dying is something that Mel thought about and then read Gen’s book and she discusses it as well. Both talk about how that is a huge part and the idea of them being orphans if you go. Gen talks about how she would love to guarantee that wouldn’t happen! Illness – you could get someone to look after your children.
Please do join the closed Facebook group if you haven’t yet as I’ll be asking more questions about the points I’ve made above as I really would love to hear your thoughts on what you need and what you aren’t getting, when it comes to fertility support, so do feel free to email natalie@thefertilitypodcast.com. Plus I have a lovely lady called Carla who is helping me out in the group, she’s also a volunteer for Fertility Network and is about to start treatment herself. Carla is a great example of how our community works and she’ll be making sure you feel supported.
