So this is the last episode of 2019. What a year.. There’s been a lot going on and I will be writing a review of the year but for now Kate and I managed to get more time together as we had a great interview with Zoe Clarkes Coates which we will be sharing in the new year. Zoe is the founder of Saying Goodbye and invited Kate and me to her house for a chat.
We then decamped to a nearby John Lewis to record this episode as we wanted to give you a few things to think about if you’re feeling anxious about the coming weeks.
Warning that we’re in a cafe, and my mic is very sensitive so you can hear some small people, which we know might be a trigger, so if you don’t want to listen no problem at all – I’ll tell you what we talked about.
Dealing with Family
When with family you are forced into a situation that can raise the stress levels, even before you’ve arrived. You know there will be a family member who will ask the question you don’t want to answer about when you will be having kids. So how do you navigate it – well we did a great interview with Kate Kaufmann a few weeks ago who great some brilliant advice – which Kate echoed… come up with a quick retort, have an answer planned, deflect the conversation
Another way is to say ‘ Actually that’s a really personal question.. anyway how are you..’ Hopefully the person in question will realise it’s a no go area and stop asking.
We want you to be prepared for the triggers, there will be pregnancy announcements and first Christmas pictures, especially here in the ttc space if you’ve been following people that have had success.
Your feelings are totally valid
Feeling happy for them and desperately sad for yourself, you, therefore, need to arm yourself with some tricks such as the fake drink/mocktail.. If there’s no Seedslip in sight you can make a fake G&T with tonic, chuck some cucumber, rasberry – cardamon pods ( Kate’s suggestion ) equally just grab a wine glass / champagne glass and put some Appletize in it.. there’s way around it all and as Kate said, people probably won’t notice.
On Christmas Day
Think of making some new traditions as Dr Robin Hadley also explained when we spoke about Men dealing with childlessness. Kate talked about how she and her husband made new traditions together at Christmas before they were married that they still continue today. A family is more than just than having children, it’s the two of you… your home…whatever you make it.
My hubby and I introduced a Christmas tree into our house last year, just a little one – that has been growing in a pot in the garden since. Here it is in all its glory. You may be thinking, what’s the big deal about that – but we’re both Jewish and neither one of us ever had a tree at home and both wanted one. So it was our new tradition – officially a ‘Chrismakah Bush’!
What have you stopped doing?
This year I’ve been training to become a fertility coach with the Freedom Fertility Formula, to support you with the emotional toll of all that comes with trying to get pregnant. I’ll be talking more about it in 2020 as I’ve been getting my hours in and making sure I can really help you. One thing that I get you people to do who I’m working with is to think about what you’ve stopped doing and write them down, with the intention that you’re gonna start doing them again.
We’re not talking new year’s resolutions as they come with false hope and expectation I feel however this little exercise is best done on post-it notes and can be as simple as ‘I will enjoy a piece of cake and not feel guilty’ or ‘I will plan a holiday whether I’m pregnant or not’ or ‘I will go for that job promotion’
Kate said that one of the most popular post on her Instagram is the quote ‘live your life whilst ttc’ and if that’s one take away you get from this episode is don’t put thing on hold or you end up spending all that time on hold and you’ve not achieved what you wanted.
I had a fascinating conversation with Sheila Cameron about how she had de-selected herself for jobs promotions during her struggle to conceive and she gives some great insight into the importance of women not letting their careers falter whilst trying to deal with all that comes with infertility.
Self Care
Once again in this episode, you can hear about Fertilibox who have sponsored this episode and I’ve just had my latest beauty box sent through which is a lovely gift before Chrimbo. It’s got some gorgeous products in and is making sure I actually pamper myself as I’ve got no excuse. I’m the worst for not really looking after myself and if there’s one thing you can certainly do for yourself and your wellbeing is to allow yourself some luxury. So if you want to indulge or drop a big hint to someone about what to get you for Christmas, there’s still time and if you use the code fertilitypoddy20 you get a discount on a subscription box!
Kate talked about how we are guilty of being so focused on medicalising things, the treatment and doing everything we should be doing to get pregnant and focusing on our emotions is the last thing we think of is our emotional self.
Women’s Health
In 2020 we are putting more of an emphasis on this including Natural Contraception, pre-conception, period health and more complex issues so if have you been diagnosed with something more complex – we’d love to hear from you. You can email us in
Finally I wanted to let you know it’s Kate’s birthday on Boxing Day, so do join me in sending her lots of Birthday love to make sure it doesn’t get lost amongst everything else going on.
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