We have discussed donor conception on the podcast before and refer throughout the episode to previous chats we’ve had as we’ve spoken to egg donors, as well as organisations that help match you with donors both in the UK and abroad and we’ve heard your stories about having treatment abroad with a donor egg or sperm, for a multitude of reasons.
The idea of using a donor to make your baby can take a lot of time to get your head around and it is so important to get support and there are brilliant organisations to guide you. We’ve chatted with the Donor Conception Network who have been around for a long time, working on the narrative about how we talk about this with our loved ones.
Our guests JR Silver has created a wonderful children’s book called Sharing Seeds, and Eloise Edington, founder of Fertility Help Hub talked us through their experience of donor sperm.
JR was diagnosed with the BRCA1 and discovered he had Non‐obstructive azoospermia (NOA) and two failed operations to try and retrieve sperm meant he had to use a sperm donor. JR talked about how his wife didn’t want to see pictures, but it was one of his requirements. The pair are fair in the background and they wanted someone close to his aesthetic and he said that enabled them to pick the donors based on the pictures available. The donor was from Canada and the US from Xytex.
JR says to be wary of all the advice offered and encourages Men to work with their partner and look at if they can deal with the setbacks of how it feels, see it as a joint project.
Of course, there will be generational differences in understanding and perceptions of ART. The donor sperm conversation and the idea of it is something we need to think about. JR explained how his Mum had said they would be willing to answer questions from people within the community about it, but wouldn’t openly be talking about it.
You need to consider what your family think about sharing information and assure them there’s no shame in it.
Eloise and her husband went to New York for treatment, after he was diagnosed with Klinefelter’s syndrome which we’ve linked to. He had a micro-TESE operation which involved an operation under general anaesthetic performed through a small incision in the scrotum, through which both testicles can be seen. Sperm is then harvested (collected) from one or both testicles. Sadly this didn’t work and Eloise and her husband moved to use a sperm donor and have now had success, they have 3 children from the same donor.
As Eloise has shared her story on her own support platform she has a number of frequently asked questions we wanted to share as she talks about them in the episode:
Questions she is asked about donor sperm?
- How do you know how many vials to buy?
- What do you do if you want to expand your family and you do if you want to be searching for a new donor but they only have one vial left of sperm (you need one at least per cycle of IVF) and you want to expand your family with a genetic link?
- Eloise has created the Fertility Help Hub to provide support and education.
Make sure you follow our guests to find out more and check out the show notes for all the episodes we’ve mentioned from our archive that will add to your listening.
You can hear this week’s episode here.
